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Friends, the sayings and quotes from this page were compiled from
a variety of different sources.

Then was our mouth filled with laughter... Psalms 126:2a
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... Proverbs 17:22a
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance... Proverbs 15:13a
To everything there is a season, and a time to every
purpose under the heaven:... and a time to laugh... Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 3:4b


TOP TEN QUESTIONS ASKED BY GUESTS ABOARD OUR CRUISE SHIP

10 – Does the ship produce or buy its on power?

 9 – What do you do with the ice carvings after they melt?

 8 – Do I put my luggage out before or after I go to bed?

 7 – Is that island over there completely surrounded by water?

 6 – Where is the bus for the walking tour?

 5 – What religion are those people with the patches behind their ear?

 4 – Is the TV satellite or cable?

 3- How do I know which photos are mine?

 2 – What is our current elevation? 

1 – Does the crew sleep onboard?


MARRIAGE FUNNIES

A WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

 UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

 I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR 

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor say, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He then addressed the men: "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently, and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.


WORDS

 A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The driveway is flooded, the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
















 
 
2006, Search The Word Ministry